Pain and Suferring

I wish I can blog my feeling yesterday nite. But I barely can open my eyes...it's too painful...
the day has finally come yesterday. I thought I can hold to myself till month end. But I don't know why I bla all out yesterday...maybe I feel I could not hold it anymore. I could not continue to act anymor.

I just don't know what to write here...but the time spend talking in my room yesterday is the most painful thing happend. Because I have been betrayed...it's just so hard to pack all the clothes away... I've been crying throughout the nite...and I just can't sleep...
I drove to KL...not knowing where to go at 12 am...then there's a shop in Jalan Imbi serving Taiwanese food which still open...but there' a lot of prostitute in the shop..I don;t care.
I just walk in..order a drink, I don't care all the attention given to me with my swallon eyes and nose. I sat there till 3am...then I pay the bill and goes home..with the headache I felt since morning in the office.

Today when I woke up, I hope what happend yesterday never happend...but it has already happend..what can I do? I've been dragging the whole day...with my swallon eye...
Now, even in this moment of time..I feel my heart is so sour pain...not sure if I have any heart problem...or I shld keep my mouth shut coz this is what I ask for coz I wana feel the heart sour pain, back pain, migrainne...so my friend will not suffer?

The next second/minute/hour/week/month I don't know how to go on.....I wish my tears will stop........ no one will know how I feel now.